The morning started out beautifully (ok, it was 5 AM but who can resist a cuddly 3 year old in your bed, even in the pitch dark?)
I played with and read to my 3 year old until the 6 year old woke up around 6 AM. All was well, one playing with cars and one with Little People. Until the 3 year old wanted THE CAR-the one the 6 year old had gotten as a prize from the dentist (it actually hadn’t broken yet, 3 days later- a miracle in and of itself for a one shekel toy!)
A fight ensued, ending in the (impulsive) 6 year old throwing something at the 3 year old, and my reaction not exactly modeling calm and emotionally regulated parenting…(I hadn’t finished my second cup of coffee!). Yes, even sleep-deprived parent coaches can make mistakes at 6 AM…
The 6 year old went into his room, very hurt and angry. Then I remembered something I had learned from Dr. Laura Markham. “Let’s do a do-over.” I said. “Pretend it’s morning and you are waking up and starting the day again.” He came out, cutely rubbing his eyes, pretending it was morning and describing his (made-up) “bad dream” about a lion biting him. Suddenly, he said, “pretend I’m a lion and I’m biting you!” For 15 minutes, he climbed and clawed at me, pretended to bite me and attack me, all the while playing the part of the aggressive lion. The 3 year old joined in the fun, and here I was, on the floor being climbed on and wrestling with 2 active kids at 6:30 AM!
But the amazing thing is that this was controlled aggression, nobody was really hurting me, and they were having so much fun.
In Playful Parenting, Lawrence Cohen talks about the importance of this type of roughhousing play, which is positive for kids on so many levels. It is a way for them to play out their deep feelings (anger toward Ema?), get out their aggression in a safe and controlled way, and puts them in a position of power that they so rarely get to experience, in a permitted way. It’s a positive connection time, with physical touch in a fun way, shared positive experience, and, they get to laugh and have fun, which can only increase those happy connection hormones and decrease the stress hormones which can impact their ability to engage is positive social interactions and learn. At some point, I said I was tired and had to stop-but the rest of the morning was amazing!
It is amazing how laughter and fun and roughhousing can just change things around. Rav Moshe Shapiro talks about how the root “Tzchok,” laughter, is used in Tanach to express a complete reversal of the expected, when things happen in a way that is completely the opposite of what everyone thought would be. Giving birth to a son at the ages of 90 and 100 was “laughable” to Avraham and Sara, completely the opposite of what was expected, so they laughed. When Mashiach comes, our mouths will be filled with laughter, as we say in Shir HaMaalos, since we will realize how everything we thought was going one way (galus, the low status of the Jewish people) is the complete opposite from how things actually will be in the times of the Geulah.
When we have these fun, happy times of laughter with our kids, not only do we gain all the benefits listed above, but we can turn around a bad mood or bad interaction. We can literally stop, do a 360, and move from a rough, stressful, negative interaction, to a fun, positive, loving feeling. That’s exactly what happened to us that morning. And all you need are lions, parents and kids-oh my!
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